I know I smell like soup

If you feel compelled to say anything remotely close to anything on this list…bite your tongue off, pick it up and leave the interview immediately.

• Do you mind if I eat my apple while we talk? (sure..it’s snack time anyway)
• Dude…you’ve got some hot a$$ in here.  (thanks buddy)
• I know I smell like soup..I spilled it on me before I came in.  (were you eating soup in the parking lot??)
• Can I bring my friends in or do they have to wait in the lobby? (naa..bring’em in.  I’d hate for them to get lonely)
• Where should I set up all of my picture frames?  (asked to see online portfolio)
• I’m an expert in email. (during a technical interview)
• Can you take me to work?  (sure, I have a big van with our company name on the side just for folks like you)
• You look like the guy from “King of Queens” .   (I do look a little like Doug Heffernan though.)
• Is Jesus considered a “personal reference”? (Not at all..do you have his number or an email address?)
• Can you be quiet for a minute while I reply to this text? (sure….I”ll be right back too)
• Where do you see yourself in 5 years?   “Hopefully laid up with some sort of work related injury” (best ever)
• Do you mind if I work during this interview?  I’ve GOT to get some code out before lunch.
• What’s the #1 attribute you’d like to see in your next job?  “A softball team would awesome” (from a candidate interviewing for a senior IT management opportunity)

Got some others?  Send them and I’ll re-post!

When things aren’t going well, talk about the clouds.

I was lucky enough today to be asked to lunch by a one of my recent clients/consultants.  Knowing full well it was going to be a “my job is horrible and I want you to get me the hell out of here before I kill someone” lunches, I strapped on my jolly face and headed out in the rain.

It’s important in every situation to not only give something of value but to be able to find something of value.  Part of what I do during lunch is discussing business and the state of affairs with someones job.   Today was was off base.  Family issues, philosophy, a tiny bit of religion and work improprieties were on the menu.  I never turn down an opportunity to listen.  Before I got into this field, way back when, I was a counselor in the mental health industry.  It’s a running joke that if I could do that, my current job should be a cake walk.  It’s true.  My current clients are incredible and I’d bend over backwards for any of them.  What I learned in that era is the power of listening and empathy.  Empathy is defined as the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.  In other words, put yourself in their shoes. Sharing a similar story also, I’ve found, has enabled me to grow relationships much further than I’d ever dreamed.  It’s tough to imagine what certain situations would feel like so it takes practice.  Everyone has bad days…even me!  Those that have shown me empathy during those times are some of my closest friends.  Applying those same rules to the people I interact with on a daily basis “separates the men from the boys” in this industry.  I’ve written before that I’ve seen people put their clients agenda on the back burner only to spit out what they absolutely “HAD to tell you because you are SO interested in what they have to say and the world would end if they didn’t get it out”.  FAIL.  It’s my opinion they will continue to fail until it’s learned.

So, our lunch was fruitful not only on their end, I hope, but on my end as well.  I’d been reading about Cloud Computing and amazingly in the car on the way back to their office, it was brought up and I learned really really interesting things about the state of the “new” market.  One of my hobbies is chasing technology.  It’s harder now than ever with new languages, social media outlets and companies coming out of the woodwork to keep up.  The best way for me do that is to ask questions.  I’ve been reading about cloud computing for the past couple of months and my chat today confirmed what I’d read.  I followed that conversation up with another person and it was confirmed again.  Even more so because his company is actually implementing cloud computing.   Below is a link to an article that summarizes what’s on the horizon.

And remember, listen to what people are saying.  It’s amazing what you’ll learn.  Or you can have your own agenda and come across as a complete tool/pimp/recruiter that everyone expects anyway.

Click the link (or cut and paste, or transcribe or close your eyes really really tight and it’ll move to your browser by using David Copperfield’esqe magic) for a bit more info on Cloud Computing:  http://mashable.com/2008/08/19/cloud-computing-defined/

Props to Matthew Wallace and Boaz Reynolds

Just a quick note to say thanks to Matthew and Boaz from 615Flex.com.   I’d also like to thank Twitter, Facebook, a blistering night at a NIN concert on Halloween and continued wide open discussions about technology and friendship.  These guys are the real deal and I can’t thank them enough for their camaraderie.

Check out Matthew at www.flashalisious.com and Boaz at boazreynolds.com.

Get in my helicopter and let’s avoid the Liopleurodon!!

Some days it’s exceptionally difficult to drag myself out of my warm bed and plod to work only to hear time after time that the economy is peril and we are all going to eat dirt sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If you knew that you were going to come to visit me and that’s all we’d discuss would you look forward to it? What’s the point of you coming to see me? I can tell you what it’s NOT. It’s not for me to “poor mouth” and drag you down even more.

In the trail of 9/11, it was decided since business was in the tank and everyone –including me- was scared senseless about another terror attack, it wasn’t the best time to ask for a new opportunity but to focus on what gave us hope. Hope is defined as a feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.   I chatted with someone about this earlier in the week and they asked “but isn’t that providing false hope?” Absolutely not. I’m not saying that we should fill each other with hot air and then you, as a job seeker, leave only to know that I’m full of shizzle. Go back up a couple of lines and re-read the definition of hope and you’ve got your answer..it’s what is “wanted”, not what will “actually happen”. It’d be totally different if I said, “I WILL find you a job and it’ll be the most awesomest gig on the plant and you’ll make more money and then you’ll come to my office and we’ll hug and sing songs while eating donuts and laughing at the non-job-havers.” Believe me, if I could predict the job market, I wouldn’t be at my desk tapping away at this article. Charlie and I would be flying to Candy Mountain and I’d take my diamond encrusted helicopter to avoid the silly Liopleurodon. (What? You don’t know what a Liopleurodon is??? 31 million viewers can’t be wrong)

We are experiencing a similar of catastrophe now.  Lost jobs, lost homes, a plummeting stock market, election of a new US president, the war in Iraq, the crisis in Detroit, etc. Seriously..It’s never a good time to discuss it, especially during the regular business day. The amount of time you and I spend discussing how horrible things are, we’ve wasted a significant amount of energy that could have been spent on helping you find a job. Post 9/11 I focused on you, the job seeker, and hoped to be the one silver lining.  The fact that I presented something positive rather than calling to say how horrible everything was, enabled all of us to grow personally and professionally.  In that, I was extending our relationship beyond the “recruiter/pimp/handler” to the “partner or consultant” and in a lot of cases “friend”.  I hear over and over from job seekers that other recruiters they meet are complaining about the economy and how bad it is.  I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s not bad. I’ve found if we change the focus and pinpoint the positive aspects of searching for a job and how we can eventually help each other. Then you and I can end our meeting with a better feeling than when you walked through the door. Does “feeling better” really matter when you don’t have a job? In my opinion, yep, it does. It’s sort of like being in love for the first time. Every thing smells good, food taste better, there’s less hair on that mole, traffic isn’t really that bad, Tom Cruise really makes sense about Scientology, etc. You get the picture. The next meeting or phone call you have with an employer will sound better if you are on an uptick. True dat.

The job seekers that I’m trying to help today aren’t getting called as much as they normally have been. I’m doing all I can to strengthen our relationship when it needs it the most. Plus, I’m stingy. I need it too. It helps lessen the urge to punch my co-workers and/or drink a liter of Stoli at the end of the day. I have faith that it will be remembered when the market takes an up-tick.

Hope is contagious. Hope is like yeast and baking powder

It has an energy that makes most things rise. If you want to know

if you are good for others, ask yourself how much hope you’ve

given them. It’s it’s there you will find your answer

Sr. Macrina Weiderkehr

No Holds Barred – Ask The Anti-Pimp

Have you ever wanted to ask a recruiter questions about the industry but were afraid to?  Negotiations, how to deal with pimp-like agencies, hottest industry/skill sets/languages etc.  Or one those really risque types that you’d NEVER ask in an interview?   Now is your chance. All questions (appropriate questions) and answers will be re posted.

Questions about my shoe size, how much beer can I drink and how many woodchucks could chuck wood will be answered directly back to the questioner.

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Post Vacation Quickie

What I figured out from a week and a half away from my desk.  I’m a junkie for my job.  I love being away and unplugging but I really like the social aspects of what a recruiter does.  It’s not all milk and honey all the time but it’s the opportunity to actually help someone in need.  To go home every day feeling like I’ve made gains in my job.  Can you say that when you leave work, you feel like you’ve contributed to the betterment of your community?  That’s a bit melodramatic I know but some days are like that.  Don’t get me wrong, some days suck.  Today wasn’t one.  I loved it…hanging with our crew and getting back into the swing of things.

I also figured out that I’m a total social media addict.  I can’t get enough.

My one value add for this post is to check out Mr. Tweet at http://www.mrtweet.net/.  Mr. Tweet looks through your extended network to help you build effective relationships on Twitter.  I’ve extended my existing network multiple x’s based on his suggestions.

Thanks for all of the positive comments and questions.  If you’ve got more, please feel free to send’em on.

Thanksgiving is over…now move before I smack you…

Thanksgiving is over and all hell breaks loose.  A guy was killed/trampled to death at a Wal-Mart the day after “Dear God, I’d like to give thanks for my family, the food, my aunt Sally”…now, get the hell out of my way b/c I’ve got more useless garbage to buy to give to my little cousin Andy and I’m willing to stomp a mud hole in your a$$ to get to it.”

All you have to do is Google – walmart, dead, shopping, thanksgiving – and you’ll get thousands of stories.  Seriously, the only words that relate in that search string are walmart and shopping.   It’s sad that this is the first “big story” to break relative to the holiday season.

We made a train of cars back home from our family holiday gathering and it feels good to be here.  I walked to the local grocery this morning and to feel the street, my street, under my feet was unbelievably soothing.  It’s not that far but sporting my favorite sweat pants and an almost clean t-shirt, I stuck my Ipod in my jacket pocket and headed out.  Misty, quiet except for a few early risers, damp ground, me and Jack Johnson were gonna buy the paper.  The story isn’t all that interesting really but it’s the really simple things that let you know you are home.  The grocery store was even quiet.  I picked up a greeting card for my wife just to be nice.  Just to get the day off to a fantastic Sunday start and it worked.  Then we went to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods.

How hard is it to be nice?  I mean really nice..the kind of nice where you let someone break line or the kind of nice that you go out of your way to perform an action of kindness that you’ve seen on TV and say, “that’s really nice what that person just did for the other”.  The kind of nice you were for the first 30 days after 9/11.  Feel me?

I reserve Saturdays and Sundays for the overly nice-ness part of my week.  Not that I’m a complete a-hole during the week (I am sometimes – at least I’m honest) but Saturdays and Sundays are and should be stress free.  Time to dedicate yourself to your true self.  Self minus work, recession, Mumbai, Iraq, pain, hate, holiday shopping stress, etc.   It takes real effort and you have to have dedication.  Now, the toughest part is taking just one part of that “nice” and inserting it in to your regular Monday thru Friday routine.  That one part might get you on a new routine…one that you like much more than your regular grind.

At Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods this morning while watching people, I noticed there were some folks that were Sunday sort of nice and those that were still in their M-F, “get the hell of of the way so I can get some ham, cereal and patchouli” routines.  At that point, I forced myself to be overly nice to someone.  By overly I mean, go out of my way to do something that I normally wouldn’t do during the week because I have my own agenda.

I loved the movie Wall Street and thought Gordon Gecko was a true face of business.  Before I figured out what I wanted to be before I grew up, it was a mixture of Gecko and John Bender from the Breakfast Club.  I’d like to think that I’m more of a business savvy Bender today.  Is there a time where “Greed is Good” or “screw your neighbor before he screws you” is acceptable?   Greed can be good but it has to stay in context.  I’m greedy with the things that are closest to me.  Family, pets, friends and so on.  Greed in business – my business – is good in the context of opportunity, technology, location, company, etc.  I’ve figured out when to use that greed for the benefit of not only myself the people that I work with/for.  It’s hard, don’t get me wrong but it enables you to move forward through the day on a much smoother scale.

A year ago my life changed.  I saw a man die.  I also helped bring him back to life (will reserve that story for later).  It changed the way I look at things.  It changed my level of “nice-ness” that I show towards people.  Re-learning how to be nice is a difficult path but it’s worth it.  It’s opened an entirely new door to each of my personal and work relationships.

Be nice.

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From a head filled with almost crazy

“I hope someday you get a job on which you don’t have to look at your watch all day.” – Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols

“Sid is someone I turn to in times of need. When things get bad, when times are rough, I say to myself: “What would Sid Vicious have done in this situation?”, and then I choose from the lengthy list of possibilities (time-permitting): (1) Pass out, or (2) Break something.” A friend of Sid’s when asked WWSD (What would Sid do?)

“You can always chase a dream but it will not count if you don’t catch it.” – Malcolm X

“You talking to me?” – Taxi Driver

“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate,” Cool Hand Luke

“Hug your parents and relatives a lot in the next couple of days.  Put up with their nagging and overall parent-ness and relative-ness.  They put up with yours.” – Me

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I don’t understand why this is so hard for people to grasp

I’ve done a couple of interviews in the past 2 days with a newpaper and a national electronic newletter publisher and one recurring question is “What is the value of social networking to a job seeker”.  Everyone talks about Web 2.0 and now I’m starting to hear whisperings about Web 3.0 and what has to be done to better prepare yourself professionally and personally for the next gen of web-ness.   Here’s what I found.

• Careerbuilder.com recently released a study indicating that at least 20 percent of employers are now searching job candidate’s online networking profiles (LinkedIn, FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter). This could be bad news if you “get your freak on” via your online profile. However, the study also found that 24 percent of hiring managers found content on social networks that helped convince them to hire a candidate.  **My advice – Give yourself a personality.  Don’t be the average Joe.  Provide yourself an edge..something that makes me want to talk to you.  Provide a reason for me to want to follow you on LinkedIn, FB, Twitter.  If you are boring on there..chances are you’ll be boring in person and that makes it double-tuff when looking for your next gig.
• There are 26 million active users of LinkedIn and over 50% select “career opportnities” as one of their interest.  So don’t be surprised if you get a call out of the blue about your super duper impressive LinkedIn profile.
• 3,000,000 Tweets per day on Twitter.  200,000 weekly users and over 1,000,000 active profiles.

Get with this or you’ll get left behind.  It’s really amazing to talk with people about this daily – technology “professionals” – that aren’t getting it.  No, you aren’t really that interesting but watching you on LinkedIn, et al, is like watching a friggen car crash.  We just can’t look away and that my friends (my John McCain’ism for the day) is what makes you interesting.

This morning while on the treadmill I listened a podcast that was the #43 out of one billion+ dowloaded and I couldn’t turn it off.  It was 3 techies talking about the next release of a piece of software.  They weren’t even in the same room..one was in LA, the other NY and the other in the UK.   No joke, within the first 15 minutes of the podcast, the host had to tell one of the guys to back away from the microphone b/c he was breathing to loud.  #43?  really?  But I listened and was entertained both at the ridiculousness of the host(s) and the amount of info they provided.

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